Separation Is Difficult

I love being around my fiancee. Like tons. I think that if I didn't, I'd not have affixed my great grandmother's diamond upon her finger. However, we are both still in school and without steady/assured income (freelancing is not so stable), therefore, we have decided that we need to become a little less "things are crap and I'm going to console myself with your presence," and more "things are crap so lets fix stuff." This isn't an end to our relationship, just a step back to make sure that we're going about things the right way, fixing what we find faulty.

It's in these situations that I'm always going to end up the bad guy. Always. Until I die or invent time travel so I can coach myself when and to what degree I should express an emotion via text message to ensure her that not seeing her for an entire weekend sucks just as much on my end.

If I have to hear the "It just seems like you don't care as much as I do" line of argument again, I might actually start caring less.

I need more self-sufficiency from her. I can't work (whatever amount that might be) under those conditions. If she's out of town with family, I can only imagine her brooding in a corner alone, fuming at her cell phone because "Of course I  miss you" and  "Of course this sucks" have failed to assuage her irrationality. This is the type of stuff we should be working on, but woe unto me if I say that to her.

I know I'm not all the way in the right on this; relationships have their blind spots. All that I want is for her to believe that I can be missing her just as much as she misses me, but not dwell on it so long that neuroses creeps in and makes a permanent residence in your brain. 

I need more of the self-sufficient, confident, gorgeous Katie, and less this: